In a cost-cutting measure intended to offset budgetary problems, The Western™ has canceled classes for Monday, January 26. Faculty and staff are asked to remain at home, although critical administrators, such as President Ransdell, his office associates, his attorney, and the Subway Sandwiches at DUC are asked to work as normal. "Hey!!!--a man's gotta eat," Ransdell commented.
Opening The Western™ for classes is being evaluated on a day-to-day basis. "We'll know whether there will be classes Tuesday at some point on Monday afternoon. We're reevaluating the budget every few minutes," Ransdell said, as he and Deborah Wilkins prepared the cigars and caviar for the upcoming Board of Regents Meeting.
Ahahahahah. This is brilliant.
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