Gene Tice, who was fired but not fired as part of The Western™’s budget cuts, will be provided with several vehicles to ease his transition to his new job as head of Owensboro campus.
While many thought Tice had been fired a few hours after flipping pancakes with President Ransdell in the spring, he was merely transferred, apparently to get him as far away from other pancake-flipping events as possible. Still, his exalted status as the director of a satellite campus entitles him to car at The Western™’s expense, even in these times of a tight budget.
"This really shows the The Western™ is all about taking care of its own," commented President Ransdell. "Many people probably thought that when I said we were eliminating Gene Tice's position, that I meant we'd be saving some salary money by, well, eliminating a position. No way, Jose. What I meant was that I was going to shuffle some people around so that it appeared as if we are saving money."
To help ease the long commute to the most important satellite campus that Western™'s operates in Daviess county, the Western™ will also provide a personal golf cart for Tice to get from his car to the front door of the Administration building, a Rascal for him to get from the door of the building to the door of his office, a Segway to move from his office door to his chair, and a refurbished sex swing to move from the Segway to his office chair.
Tice is in talks to receive a pogo stick for use in random inspections around campus.
