In a stunning piece of news, several faculty from The Western™’s Department of History have been taken into custody Saturday morning, following the reported hazing of new faculty. Late Friday night members of the History Department were caught in the basement of Cherry Hall with four cases of size-"extra small" condoms, a case of beer, a copy of the Kama Sutra, and a goat of unknown breed.
An examination of the goat revealed no clear evidence of sexual abuse, but University officials are nonetheless taking the situation seriously.
As part of the disciplinary action meted out by The Western™’s Compliance Officer, the Department of History will be placed on suspension for three years, will be unable to hire new faculty or recruit majors for four years, and will have to perform one thousand hours of non-farm-related community service.
While some in the History Department called this an isolated incident, several professors from Ogden College had another view. “I’m not surprised in the least,” commented two instructors. “They were always hanging around the pens down at the Farm, asking what animal ‘husbandry’ meant, about the mating habits of chickens, and a lot of other stuff. When I asked them how that related to history, they’d mumble something about engagement, and run off.”
Officials in Wetherby declined to comment for this story.
Ha!
ReplyDeleteIf the past repeats itself, the History Department will be back in business within a year!
ReplyDelete...once its alumni persuade the administration to ignore all protocols on hazing and let them back on campus.
ReplyDeleteBah means no.
ReplyDelete